Discovering A Brother

Brothers Find Each Other in Navy Officer Candidate School

by Justin Sines
Duquesne University, ‘11

Brother Taylor Dreher (RPI, ‘17) (right) with Brother Christian Reed (SDSU, ‘17) (left).

Two men find themselves in the dental office during their time at Officer Candidate School in Newport, Rhode Island.

They begin discussing college and fraternity life and realize that they are both brothers of Phi Kappa Theta. Christian Reed (San Diego State University, ‘17), and Taylor Dreher (RPI, ‘17), were both candidates for Naval Officers at the time, and, now, they are currently roommates in Pensacola, Florida, in their first phases of flight training.

Reed reminisces, “One day I sat next to Taylor in the dental office and we started learning about each other’s lives back home. Fraternity life came up and I told him I was in Phi Kappa Theta. Without skipping a beat, Taylor extended his hand to me and gave me the grip.”

Brother Dreher recalls his time at OCS as “not being a fun place and the first couple weeks there are especially stressful,” but knows that he made the right decision to continue the tradition of his family. Both his brother, Nathan Dreher, and grandfather, Lieutenant Richard Cappelletti, were his biggest motivators to join the Navy, but says that his father and uncles also served in the military. Dreher states that OCS is “a lot to handle,” but “meeting another Phi Kap […] instantly eliminated that feeling of being alone in a strange place.”

Brother Reed said, “Having a fellow brother in the same program […] has made my adjustment from civilian to military life much easier,” although he has wanted to serve in the military since his eighth grade field trip to Washington D.C. He remembers his intense appreciation for our men and women in military uniform as he toured the Pentagon and as he paid his respects at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Both Dreher and Reed said that their transition into their Officer positions was made easier by remembering the motto of Phi Kappa Theta: “Give, Expecting Nothing Thereof.” Dreher articulates that, “Naval Officers are trained to be servant leaders” and that “every choice [they] make must have the best interest of [their] sailors in mind.” Reed also conveyed the importance of servant leadership in both Phi Kappa Theta and the Navy and his commitment to setting a “high standard of honor, courage and commitment,” and “leading by example.”

It was happenstance that two brothers of Phi Kappa Theta from completely different sides of the country ended up in Navy Officer Candidate School in Newport, Rhode Island, during February 2018. It was coincidence they met at the dental office. But it wasn’t by chance that their ties of brotherhood stood the test of OCS and helped them both graduate as Officers and will help them grow in their Navy careers.

Main Image: Brother Taylor Dreher (RPI, ‘17) in his naval uniform on the left and Brother Christian Reed (SDSU, ‘17) in his naval uniform on the right with other brothers from SDSU.

Coaching vs. Advising

by Johnny Hohenstein (Belmont Abbey College, ‘12)

As of late, a few of our Phi Kappa Theta Fraternity chapter executive boards have been asking about best practices when finding an advisor. In any situation, being without a mentor can make an individual or group seem a little lost. The imagery of a ship without a captain comes to mind: what would a bunch of pirates do out to sea with no chief swashbuckler to set the course?

While our organization technically does utilize and endorse an advising model (sans swashbuckling...), we prefer to use the term "coaches" when referring to the individuals in these roles. We do this in order to encourage a more dynamic relationship that emphasizes the idea of creating a two-way street communication style. The more that both parties understand that success can come as a result of collaborating and listening, the more likely both parties will find success - and enjoy the journey along the way.

Last month Phi Kappa Theta hosted its second annual Servant Leadership Summit, during which ten new Performance Coaches began their training. These individuals – a combination of alumni and community volunteers – will act as an extension of the Executive Offices. Each has the ability to offer tailored support, guidance, and challenges to three collegiate chapters.

By adding this personal level of support to chapter leadership and operations, Phi Kappa Theta hopes to be able to challenge our members to be better leaders while supporting them through difficult conversations and decisions. Performance Coaches are gearing up to hit the ground running with their chapters in January of 2019.

These two things, difficult conversation and decision making, were large parts of the Servant Leadership Summit. We wanted to treat this Summit as the foundational beginnings to a new initiative; we hoped to get all of our coaches in the same room, have intentional conversations about the Fraternity and Chapter Operations, and have each individual leave with the same action item: guide but not decide.

This notion comes from Sanford’s Challenge and Support Theory. The long and short of it is the idea that challenging an individual too much may see them buckle under pressure, whereas overwhelming support results in minimal learning opportunities. Performance Coaches had several opportunities during the Servant Leadership Summit to discuss what that means and how to navigate tough coaching conversations.

Pirate analogies aside, here are some of the principles that we discussed with coaches. Our hope is that it can translate into your own situation, whatever shape or form that may take. Phi Kappa Theta wants to extend a challenge to you: can you identify a mentor or coach within your office, profession or community at large using these criteria?

1. Coaches in your community should first and foremost be accessible. They should want to speak with and listen to members within your chapter. They should be good listeners. In fact, some of the best mentors speak less and listen more. Find someone that will listen to a chapter's questions, goals, insecurities, ideas, etc. so that they can get a good idea of the executive board's strengths, weaknesses and desires.

2. Coaches used as sounding boards can be a great way for student leaders to “make mistakes” without making mistakes that have long-term consequences on the chapter.

3. Coaches should be the type of people who like to encourage others, especially coaches that identify with the mission/vision of Phi Kappa Theta. They also should be the type of individual who can gently but firmly tell someone an idea is bad without destroying creativity.

4. Coaches should have experience and wisdom (the two don’t necessarily always go together). That is, they should have learned from their own mistakes. Think of some alumni in your area who may have had leadership experience in your own chapter.

5. Coaches also should be willing to be “coached" by their chapter. Any manager, mentor or advisor should be willing to learn from others no matter how young, seasoned, educated — or not — someone is. Coaching is a two-way street: they coach members, and members coach them on how they want to be coached.

Interested in becoming a Performance Coach? Contact us.

A Part of Something Bigger

Brother Ali Soufan Receives Phi Kappa Theta’s 2018 John F. Kennedy Award

by Matthew R. Miller
University of Nebraska, ‘12

Brother Ali Soufan (Mansfield University, ‘94) during a Q&A at IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL ).

Ali Soufan (Mansfield University, ‘94) applied to the FBI on a dare.

“When I joined the Bureau I didn’t think in a million years I’d be an FBI agent,” he said. “Literally it was a bet with fraternity brothers. Most of the guys in my fraternity were in law enforcement and ROTC. It was a joke to see if I would last in the application process. Actually I bet against myself.”

But Soufan did last. Over the next decade he was involved in a number of high-profile anti-terrorism cases around the world and has been described as the person who came closest to preventing the attacks of September 11, 2001. He has published two books, Anatomy of Terror: From the Death of Bin Laden to the Rise of the Islamic State and The Black Banners: The Inside Story of 9/11 and the War Against al-Qaeda. A recent Hulu miniseries, The Looming Tower, is based on his time in the FBI. Soufan is now CEO of The Soufan Group and founder of The Soufan Center – a “nonprofit organization dedicated to serving as a resource and forum for research, analysis, and strategic dialogue related to global security issues and emergent threats.”

Mr. Soufan is also the most recent recipient of Phi Kappa Theta’s John F. Kennedy Award – given to brothers who have thrived in their professional careers and who inspire others to live lives of service of others, improving the world around them.

In his acceptance speech Soufan noted John F. Kennedy once said leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. Soufan explained leadership isn’t about words and lectures but about action and attitude. Those actions and attitudes are themselves shaped by our experiences and our values – which is why his time in Phi Kappa Theta was so valuable.

“When I joined Phi Kaps, like I think most of you, I joined for the fun, for the parties, but then I realized it was way more than that,” he said. “It meant something to me to be something bigger than I am, and I’m very honored for that and will always be honored to be a brother of Phi Kappa Theta.”

The values he first felt full force in college – loyalty, trust, sacrifice friendship were things he said were vital to his work in counter-terrorism and the FBI.

“Many of my colleagues who were with me in places like Yemen and Afghanistan, the streets of the Middle East or north Africa, a lot of these guys we developed our own kind of brotherhood but it’s all based on my experience that I had before in college.”

Soufan believes many people today still see that stereotypical fraternity life of parties and mindless fun, but a deeper, honest look reveals the values Phi Kappa Theta possesses, values that can and will stay with a person forever if they take them seriously.

That’s a theme Soufan keeps returning to – the time a young man spends in college does not exist in isolation from the rest of his life. Phi Kappa Theta was so important for Soufan and can be for others because it’s a framework during a foundational time. The choices made, values acquired, the people one allows themselves to be shaped by, are all building towards a future life.

“The values of loyalty, friendship, courage, fortitude, love, faith - these things nobody can take away from you,” he said. “These things won’t stop the moment you graduate and you leave for real life. These values will continue with you. They continued with me through my professional life… These values are the true test of brotherhood and these values are the true test of leadership and these things will continue with us forever.”

Soufan said Phi Kappa Theta made his college experience far richer than it otherwise would have been. He was shaped, and continues to be shaped, by his college and especially his fraternal experience. It’s taken him where he is today and has given him the foundation to persevere when he needed to the most.

“If you have the brotherhood and the loyalty and sacrifice and you put them with these other values, I think you’ll be on a very strong personal and moral ground to fight and stand up against any difficulties in life,” he said.

Main Image: The 2018 John F. Kennedy Award recipient, Brother Ali Soufan (Mansfield University, ‘94), speaking with brothers at IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL this past August.

Watch Brother Soufan’s speech from IMPACT18 in Orlando, FL:

History And Lessons Along The Way

by Kyle Bueno
Bridgwater State University, ‘18

Brotherhood (n): An association, society, or community of people linked by a common interest, religion, or trade.

Phi Kappa Theta – Love, Brotherhood, God.

Brother Kyle Bueno (Bridgewater State University, ‘18) (center).

Those were the three words that united myself and my brothers together to form this brotherhood. As I write this on the 5:57pm commuter train out of South Station, Boston, MA, and heading to Middleborough/Lakeville, I begin to reflect on the good, the bad, and ugly times from my chapter. I am fortunate enough to have ended my collegiate experience on a good note and kept the faith for better days ahead.

The experiences I am about to write to you all have helped shaped me into the man I am today. It has made me realize I need these traits in order to not only be a good brother, but a gentleman. Honesty (even if it may sting), Integrity, Loyalty, Respect, and Compassion.

I begin the journey of my Greek Life experience as a second semester freshman. At first, I was hesitant about seeing what other fraternities had to even offer as I was thinking about how the movie Animal House depicted all Greek members as 24/7 partiers. That was not the college experience I wanted to have. But, nevertheless, my best friend from high school Jacob Bolarinho (past sage of Sigma Pi), encouraged me to join him and keep an open mind. So, I did, and I am beyond grateful to take that giant step out of my comfort zone.

Now, not to say the other organizations weren’t welcoming, because I have some amazing friends from other fraternities, but I felt more included in Phi Kappa Theta because the men whom recruited me were involved in various facets of campus; from Student Government Association, to Residence Life and Housing, to even working on campus. I wanted to be involved as much as possible. To this day, I do not regret my decision to join this amazing organization.

Kyle Bueno helping build a house in Connecticut. Spring 2017.

At my first chapter, I was feeling mixed emotions. I was so excited for the unknown, but nervous as hell, praying I wouldn’t get hazed or see anything like Animal House. I let those fears subside and looked for ways as a new member to get involved. I knew I always had an interest in service, so I ran for Community Service Chair and won the position. In hindsight, I couldn’t even imagine seeing that position springboard me into serving as Vice President of Social Development and later on as President.

Serving as Community Service Chair for the chapter had in no way prepared me for what was to come as Vice President of Social Development. It is still known as one of the biggest positions in the chapter as it oversees Philanthropy, Social, Community Service, Public Relations, and Risk Management. Yes, Risk Management. When I started, I had no idea how to talk to brothers who would do things that broke FIPG rules. One of the biggest areas needing improvement was social media.

Our social media was so horrendous that it became a mini part of a larger conversation we had as a chapter at Fireside. Which, as a second year, I absolutely regretted. Up till Junior year, our Fireside events would always be viewed as shouting matches between brothers. It would bring our morale way down and I mean, waaaay down. I realized a central part of what was missing was brothers understanding each other. We needed to speak with each other as brothers, not as Presidents or Vice Presidents, just brothers. It was at this point I realized Phi Kap wasn’t what was told to me at recruitment, but I wanted to do something about changing it.

I would be lying to you if I only wrote about all the good times I had as President of this organization. There were really tough moments I, and brothers on the E-board serving alongside me, had to experience. I also was working as a Resident Assistant, part-time at the information desk and serving as Student Trustee. It was a lot on my plate, making me realize the importance of self-care (which I’ll explain later). But I am proud of the work our chapter made in making it better than in years past.

We were able to fill our calendar with an abundance of events from brotherhood, to philanthropy, and socials. We even made Fireside enjoyable. However, I came to a point during my tenure when I wanted to just give up. It was during the summer before entering my senior year where we were going to hold our annual Quo Vadis retreat. During that planned day, a torrential downpour hit our campsite and I decided to cancel the event altogether. The next day, however, turned out to be amazing outside; sunny and hot. I was so disappointed with myself because I felt I let the chapter down.

So, I did not realize how my careless attitude brought negative energy towards the chapter. Morale was low, brothers were forming clichés, rumors were even spreading. In order to help tackle this, with the help of Executive Vice President, Robert Riggs, CAE (RPI, ’02), we decided to create an in chapter brotherhood event. We set up chairs in a circle and talked to each other about our feelings, aspirations in life, etc.

Brother Kyle Bueno (Bridgewater State University, ‘18) participates in the interactive storytelling/portrait shoot project to unify his campus. Spring 2017.

It was at this moment I felt I needed to get something off my chest and explain what was on my mind. I felt comfortable enough to come out to the chapter. It was the first time I ever spoke about it to anyone. It was because of this constant weight, and the other positions I had on campus, I did not have time to reflect on my own life. It was so nice to just take it off my chest and what was going on in my mind.

I learned a big part of leading is being honest with myself, to others around me, and having integrity. It was because of this, I, alongside the E-board, noticed a change and carried through strong towards the end of the semester.

Some people may ask themselves, “is there anything I would have done differently in college”? For me, the answer is no. It was because of all these experiences during my 4 years at Bridgewater State University, I am the person I am today. I realized I am a better friend, person, and brother because of the experiences I have dealt with and, in return, volunteer my time back as a Performance Coach for chapters in the Northeast.

I realized how important it is to not stretch yourself too thin and to stay humble. For those reading, I hope you too can love yourself as much as I can, are loyal to your brothers, friends, and family, and lead as REAL gentlemen should, with honesty and integrity. TBIS.

Main Image: Kyle Bueno during a service project to Cambodia. Spring 2018.